And God Said to the Scientist…

My good friend and hiking/writing pal Cary Odes, seen below sampling the currants at Secret Camp, was inspired by the controversy around Intelligent Design, and came up with the following:

God, to “scientist” in a heavenly setting:

GOD                       Why did you not fight harder to make my glory known?

“SCIENTIST”           Oh, Lord, what more could I have done?

GOD                       Teach the word, my book, even as I have given it to you.

    We have taught the Bible, in every church all over the world.

GOD                        Why only in church?

We’ve tried other places. Even in the schools.

GOD                        I know about the schools.  I know everything.

“SCIENTIST"            Yes of course.  I’m just saying that the non-believers, the evil ones—

GOD                        Just say it.

OK, Democrats, were fighting us, using things like the Constitution.

Is the Constitution above MY word?

No, of course not.  But I’m just saying, for their own good, to get them the world of God, had to be more inventive.  And so we invented a little bombshell we called Intelligent Design.
     Does that say I created the world in six days?

     Well not exactly.  We were having a little trouble selling that as science, so we repositioned ourselves with our fallback strongpoint.

     And that was?

    Well that the world is a really complicated place and you gotta admit it’s really complicated and isn’t it obvious it’s complicated?

     And that pointed to my glory?

     Well sure!


    Well if it’s a really complicated world, then someone would have to be really smart to make it.

GOD                        And who’s that?

    You!  Of course!  We don’t say that, but it’s pretty darn obvious.  Sorry about the “Darn”.

GOD                        Oh please! I’m not a child.  So you thought that since the blasphemers and sinners wouldn’t let you teach what you really wanted, that the next best thing was good enough?

    Well when you put it that way, it doesn’t sound too good.  But I really have to defend myself a little bit here.  And this is with all due respect, but we’ve been doing a pretty good job here with the big picture.  The country’s never been closer to becoming a theocracy. 

GOD                        I’m still waiting!

“SCIENTIST”            But it won’t be long.  Just let us work this our way.  I know you want to come down and wipe away the wicked.

GOD                        You have no idea.

    But.. we can turn them all around.  We have your power on our side!  Soon.  Soon.
Okay, just don’t keep me waiting too long.

    The end is near.

From your mouth to my ear.

"Scientist" walks away, back towards Earth.  God pulls off a mask, revealing that he is actually Satan.

This is the easiest job.


Published by Kit Stolz

I'm a freelance reporter and writer based in Ventura County.

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