What the World Needs Now: New Paper Towel Dispensers

From King Kaufman’s often-hilarious sports blog for Salon:

Every time I go into a public restroom, there’s a new device for
dispensing paper towels. Sometimes you have to pull the paper towels
out of a little round hole in the bottom of a cylinder. Sometimes
there’s a lever to push or pull or bang on. And then there are the
motion-detector dispensers, which you have to wave your wet hands in
front of before they deign to let you have a few inches’ worth of pulp.

What all these devices have in common is that they don’t work. A nation
of public restroom users is even now contorting itself in front of
motion detectors in the vain hope that a little bit of paper will zitz
out. It’s disturbing.

Where was the demand for this? Who were the people saying, "You know,
if I could have one thing it would be a new way of getting paper towels
when I use a public restroom. This metal box on the wall with the slot
in the bottom that feeds out paper towels, the one that’s been serving
humanity just fine for decades on end. It’s no good. I want a new way
of getting paper towels every few weeks. I want moving parts. I want
electronics, dammit!"?

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