And now here’s Cassandra with the weather report

A passage from Christopher Durang's funny funny play,  Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike, the best play of last year, according to the Tony Awards.

In this scene, the character from Greek mythology, Cassandra, who is cursed with the gift of prophesy, but also to be never believed, gives a weather report on local TV:

CASSANDRA: Good morning, welcome to the weather. Carol Erickson couldn't be here today, so I'm filling in.
    This morning Berks County is getting a tornado.
    This afternoon Bucks County will have an earthquake.
    This evening Berks, Bucks, and Montgomery Counties will have a thunderstorm and you may find you have survived the tornado and the earthquake, but after the insane record rainfall we had in July, all the trees are going to fall over and squash your house and your car and maybe you.
    And now the national forecast. Chunks of Florida fell into the ocean yesterday. It was kind of funny, except people died. Tomorrow more chunks are gonna fall into the ocean. So move to the center of the state if you can. or hover about it all in a helicopter if you can do that. 
    Arizona and Texas have finished their 320th day without rain, and the entire two states are now on fire. And that's the weather. 

And here's a description of the character from the NY Times critic:

Playing Cassandra, the housekeeper who dabbles in both classical Greek drama and voodoo (go figure), Shalita Grant swaggers away with just about every scene she’s in, thanks to Mr. Durang’s hilariously demented monologues full of fantastically dark premonitions and mashed-up quotations from the theatrical canon.

Yes. Emphasis on the "hilariously demented." Cassandra as weather forecaster: makes perfect sense for our demented — or, as the physicists say — "perturbed" times. Here's Cassandra, from her times…


Published by Kit Stolz

I'm a freelance reporter and writer based in Ventura County.

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