Tag Archives: The Onion

From Ojai to The Onion: Area Man tangles with Miley Cyrus

Here’s a story I wrote worth mentioning, for the hard-to-link Ojai Quarterly about thirty-one year-old Dan Mirk, who went from starring in local school musicals in little Ojai to writing for The Onion in New York City. So! Here you go: In 2008, Mirk and his colleagues at Onion News Tonight – the video broadcastContinue reading “From Ojai to The Onion: Area Man tangles with Miley Cyrus”

2012 Was Once Considered Hottest Year On Record, Man In 2024 Remembers Wistfully

NEW WASHINGTON—Marveling at how dire things seemed in the relatively stable days of 12 years ago, Alan Gibson, 41, a local man of the year 2024, wistfully recounted on Wednesday the then-record temperatures recorded in the United States in 2012. "To think that we were concerned about a 55.3-degree average is almost comical, but then,Continue reading “2012 Was Once Considered Hottest Year On Record, Man In 2024 Remembers Wistfully”

Nation suddenly realizes global warming is just going to be a thing that happens from now on

NEW YORK—Following Hurricane Sandy’s destructive tear through the Northeast this week, the nation’s 300 million citizens looked upon the trail of devastation and fully realized, for the first time, that this is just going to be something that happens from now on. From The Onion, of course. My fav part is the concluding quote:  “RightContinue reading “Nation suddenly realizes global warming is just going to be a thing that happens from now on”

Is it too late to stop climate change? (the Onion)

Reporting from Geneva, the Not the New York Times: A new report from the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change warned Monday that global warming is likely to become completely irreversible if no successful effort is made to slow down the trend before 2006. Unless greenhouse-gas emissions are drastically reduced by then, the report concludes,Continue reading “Is it too late to stop climate change? (the Onion)”

The frustration of the long-term unemployed: The Onion

From the Pew Research Center [pdf link], the General Accounting Office [pdf link] and the Washington Post, the hard news about older unemployed people:  Bad news…55 to 64-year-olds have fared worst in the recession than any other demographic.  But from The Onion, the same kind of news — Matt Millen on TV simply too muchContinue reading “The frustration of the long-term unemployed: The Onion”

Hollywood’s Best/Worst Director to Make New Lousy Film

LOS ANGELES—In the largest deal ever made to shit out a movie, Warner Bros. and director Michael Bay announced a landmark $50 million agreement this week to monumentally fuck up ThunderCats. "I couldn't be more excited to completely fuck this up," said Bay, who plans to begin production on destroying the live-action adaptation next month.Continue reading “Hollywood’s Best/Worst Director to Make New Lousy Film”

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Our Children for the Apocalypse? A Panel Discussion

From The Onion, of course. Incredibly funny, unsurprisingly. http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/onn_embed/embedded_player.swfAre Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?